Although things have been going well over all for me something seemed to be missing. I felt as if the Spirit was not around me or at least I could not see it. To be honest, I have never felt as if I was a very spiritual person. I have wanted to be but it just never seemed to happen. Today I had my first every meeting with a spiritual director. I had not a clue what I was walking into and just had no clue where it was going to start and end. In fact, I did not know how to prepare, what to say, how to act and the list goes on. I was over-thinking it all.
I had a meeting with the Pastor/Instructor of me Spirituality class from last year. While she was preparing to get ready to conduct the session, I said a prayer; “Lord, I ask that you please prepare me to receive the
Spirit. I ask that you empty me completely so that I may be filled with Your Spirit. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ.”
Now to be honest, I was expecting something or maybe even hoping for something of a mystical experience. Somehow I was suppose to or maybe I would have a vision of the Spirit descending down upon us and this sense of euphoria would take over us. Well that never happened.
What did happen is that through the director’s guidance, she learned about me and probed at me with questions that would allow me to reflect upon the Spirit. As I spoke about my conversion story and then how the move to Wartburg took place, I began to see more clearly how the Spirit has been alive in my daily life. Yes, daily life. Something interesting was said that has really hit home to me. Here I am looking to be filled with the Spirit, to have this mystical experience and I am in such a rush to get there. Now, not all “my fault” but a product of life in general here in U.S.A. Rush rush rush, get there, get it done, make it happen, do it now, make it soon …..oh my gosh. Now picture this, and this is what I was told to picture….You have two people walking together and eventually someone is in front of the other and then there is a distance between….who says, “Hey, wait up?”…………………………………………….Yes, the person behind in the walk……………It is Jesus saying, “slow down would ya?”
Read Ecclesiastes 3:1–13
Read Psalm 4:1-3
Read Isaiah 8:17
Sometimes we need to slow down to see the Spirit at work. It can be difficult to do this but it needs to be intentional not accidental. As I go about my studies I find it can be very easy to study God, study the Spirit, study Jesus, study those who studied the Triune God, while all the long not being in the moment, not allowing myself to see God coming down to be with me, to be part of my life, to walk beside me and carry me when things are rough. It is not a race to a finish, it is a journey with the Holy Spirit until Jesus returns to take us to God.
Great post! I too suffer from rushing through life and not experience the amazing presence of the Holy Spirit. When I answered the call (finally!) I looked back in my life and saw how each time I felt like I was choosing a different path, God just used it to better prepare me. I felt like I was going all over the place–and without any end goal–but then I saw that the twisty path was perfect for what God intended.
Thanks for the post and for making me reflect again! It feels good!